


In Our Heads, We Question

by RecluseWriter



Category: Library of Ruina (Video Game)
Genre: Animal Death, Blood, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, death mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28141479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RecluseWriter/pseuds/RecluseWriter
Summary: After an altercation, Yan tries to clean himself up in an alleyway.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	In Our Heads, We Question

White hair is prone to be easily dirtied whether it be with debris or blood. Though having white hair init of itself was an issue, having also a white cloak only added to the clean up. So, now, Yan sat in a small alleyway soaking his cloak in the cleanest puddle he could find. He freed his hair from his ponytail in a way that it fell against his shoulder. Thankfully, Yan’s little altercation wasn’t too long ago, and the blood was still fresh. The blood from the cloak slowly began seeping out into the puddle. Quickly, before the whole puddle became blood tined, Yan wetted his hands and then rubbed the blood stained parts of his hair. The bright red slightly faded but caused the fading color to spread. He looked at the puddle and saw that it was now completely tinted red. After removing his cloak from that puddle, Yan hung it on a rusted pipe sticking out from the wall. A rush of fear struck through him. Quickly, he dried his hands as quickly as he could before reaching into his pockets. Carefully counting each piece of paper to let out a sigh of relief. All the Prescripts were there. With the wave of relief, Yan rested against the wall along with his blade. It wasn’t perfectly quiet, but quiet enough for him to find some peace. The few minutes of peacefulness was disturbed by the sound of marching footsteps. Yan assumed that it was most likely a Proxy and their familia of Proselytes based on being all too familiar with the sound of their march. 

“Messenger Yan.”

Yan turned his head to see Esther with his Proselytes. Esther turned into the alleyway and stood in front of Yan. The Proselytes positioned themselves across the entrance likely because of an order Esther had likely given. 

“Are you alright Messenger Yan?”

“Yes...None of it is mine own.”

“Good.”

Yan figured Esther would be on his way, but instead he stood there. It was strange. He was never the one to stay in a place for too long unless a Prescript required him too.

Almost perfectly silent, Esther grabbed Yan's cloak off the pipe. He started to wring out the water seemingly taking notice of the faded blood stains. Being so close, the water splashed onto Yan. Though slightly irritated, Yan kept silent. Once Esther was satisfied with the amount of water removed, he held out it to Yan. 

"Thank you…..Can you please hang it back on the pipe?"

As soon as Yan finished his sentence, Esther did what he was asked. 

"Messenger Yan, were you trying to clean yourself?"

"Yes. Do you find that strange?"

"My opinion matters not. It was simply a question." 

Yan glanced up at him. His eye always had a fearless look painted in it, but now it had a hint of what seemed like curiosity. Curiosity that Esther himself wouldn't try to satisfy. After taking a moment to think, Yan decided on how he would go about with the situation. 

"I deliver Prescripts to all different types of beings. Ranging from those who see the insides of others everyday to those who throw up at the sight of blood. Of course, the former don’t care if I was covered in blood and had skull fragments stuck in my hair. The latter would be horrified.” 

Esther stayed silent. What was going about in his head? Any member of the Index is only meant to think, feel, and act on the Prescript’s will. Yet, the Proxies Yan was closest to alway stepped out of line. Gloria adored and loved all of them, especially Yan, often ruffling his hair. . That was a feeling, wasn’t it? Hubert found it interesting how snakes can have their heads cut off and the head will continue to move. Wasn’t that a thought? And Esther had thought up the question and then in turn asked Yan. A thought and action; weren’t they?

“Won’t those who fear the horrors of the City grow used to things after seeing it so many times?”

Esther’s tone hadn’t changed, not it ever did. Only on rare occasions of extreme aggravation did a slight change in tone occur. Having so little change in tone always made it hard to tell how he felt about something. Was he happy with Yan’s statement or is he mad that it wasn’t what he imagined? 

“Some would grow used to it. Some would kill themselves. People aren’t born to handle those things. People aren’t  _ meant  _ to see those things.”

After putting his hair back into its normal ponytail, Yan stood up and grabbed his cloak from the pipe. The cloak still had blood on it and still damp from the water. There was a light wind before, though being in an alleyway made it hard to tell if there still was one. Even if there was one, Yan decided that he had been through worse and that the dampness from his cloak and the water Esther had gotten on him weren't going to kill him. He slipped his cloak on and grabbed his sword from the wall. Prescripts still need to be delivered. Yan was fully prepared to continue with his job, but his curiosity wanted to know if Esther would say something. Anything at all to let any bit of insight into what he thought about what he said. 

"I deeply apologise, Messenger Yan. I did not take that into consideration before making my statement."

His tone was…….sad? At least that's what Yan believed it to be. It wasn't much of a change but change no less. But if it truly was sadness, what made his tone change. Surely it wasn't about apologising as he had done it before, not often but still. If he didn't first consider the possibility that people would kill themselves being over exposed to those things, then why is that the case? Of course that though could always have just slipped his mind, but that didn't feel like that case. Was it that he repressed the idea to hide a memory he didn't want to think about? Did he want to detach himself from the idea as to believe getting used to it is the only answer on how to live? Yan snapped out of his thoughts when water droplets started landing on him. The few droplets slowly became a steady rainfall. Rain was a wonderful natural shower, but a horrible mix with paper. He arched over as to try and hopefully prevent any of the Prescripts in his pocket from getting wet. The sound scratching metal ripped through his ears with hands going to cover them. 

"Proselytes, prepare yourselves to start heading out."

The Proselytes put themselves into formation waiting for their next order. The rain suddenly stopped pouring onto Yan and became slightly darker around him. 

"Is that better for you?"

Esther was holding a piece of sheet metal over Yan, leaving himself out in the rain. 

"Thank you Esther…..You should cover yourself as well."

"The rain doesn't bother me. You have Prescripts that can't be afforded to be damaged, unless you have already finished delivering all the Prescripts you have been given for the day?"

"No….I still have a few to deliver….I really should be getting back to delivering. Thank you again. Goodbye Esther."

Yan started walking out of the alleyway to have Esther following by his side. Even when he exited, he still kept by his side, now with the addition of the Proselytes. 

"Esther, are you planning on escorting me to all my deliveries?"

"Yes. At least till the rain stops."

"You don't have to do this. You must have other obligations to attend to." 

"I have not been given a Prescript to carry out nor any other obligations that you may be referring too."

Yan let out a titter that went unnoticed by the ones around him.

_ The Prescripts are to be carried out no matter what. All thoughts, feelings, and actions are dictated by the Prescripts. That's what you say. And what are you doing now? You're walking with me with a piece of sheet metal over my head. Is that not your own action? You asked me questions before, didn’t you? You thought up those questions. Emotions played some part in the generation of those questions. You know what you joined Esther. For what reason, I don’t know. All I know is that you want some feeling of freedom. _

“Messenger Yan.”

Yan jerked his head up to look at Esther.

“I apologise for disrupting your thoughts, but you have not stated where your delivery is.”

“Oh yes. I’m sorry. We’ll be heading to Miss Mori’s first. Her home isn’t too far away.”

____________________________________

“This is Miss Mori’s apartment complex. Her apartment number is 201. If you could please wait here with the Proselytes.”

“As you wish. One thing before you complete your delivery.”

Curious, Yan watched as Esther called over a Proselyte named Ame to hold the piece of sheet metal. Esther then knelt down close to him and gently grasped his ponytail. Being surprisingly gentle, Esther rubbed at spots. 

“What are you doing?”

No response. Then he grabbed at Yan’s cloak. Now being able to see exactly what he was doing, Yan saw that he was rubbing at the blood spots. Esther worked his way through all the blood spots on the front of the cloak. Once he had finished, Esther stood back up, taking the sheet metal and sending the Proselyte back into formation. 

“I cleaned up the blood. The back of your cloak still has blood on it.”

“Thank you….”

Yan gave a smile before quickly turning to head up to Miss Mori’s apartment. He knocked on the door and was quickly greeted by a nervous lady. She was given her Prescript, which was to eat everything in her refrigerator as is. The poor lady clinged onto Yan as she cried about how she had finally had enough money to buy enough for her family. Yan whispered soothing words and stroked her head. After she finally calmed down, Mori smoderly said goodbye, went back inside and locked the door. With a new added sorrowfulness, Yan made his way down the stairs. Esther and the Proselytes stood patiently waiting. Yan walked back underneath the sheet metal. Yan looked up to see Esther staring back down at him. Yan wondered if Esther watched what had happened. What happens almost every time when people receive their Prescript. 

“Sorry for the wait. The next Prescript is for Mr. Brialte.”

Yan started on his way with Esther and Proselytes following. He felt Esther’s hand lightly tucked him closer. Esther rested his hand on Yan's shoulder giving Yan a slight bit of comfort. A similar feeling of comfort that a father gives to their child.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> I love the Index......alot


End file.
